I have quite an obsessed mind about keeping my books clean, and looking as new. Every time when I buy a book home, I know my responsibility has increased once more. And yeah, I never damage it even just a little bit. That, I called, is my duty as a loyal reader. The surface of the book, sometimes, is as crucial as its content, to me.
For an introvert like me, to be able to enjoy reading alone at home when I have nowhere to go or nothing to do is really wonderful. I love imagining things when reading and pretend to be in an imaginary world that relates to the book. For me, books are really a true friend, and always standing beside me as a great source of energy and courage. I must, always too, take care of them as much properly as possible, because I don’t want “the physical road” leading to any world inside a book be affected by any unnecessary trouble.
I would like to talk to people around me about subjects, events, and other aspects of life which appear in any kind of books that I have read. I always savor the conversation to the very end. However, here comes the problem. When a person in charge asks me to let him borrow one of my books to read (instead of going out to buy, or just to find), something immediately pops up in my mind. No way, like hell I would.
You know, even when I have somehow a high level of self-awareness, I still can’t control this way of thinking. The only thing I can say now is: I am fully obsessed by books, by my books. I just don’t want anyone to touch them and then make one or two scratches (no one knows what is gonna happen if there are more than two) before giving back to me. In short, I think my idea is unique and try to keep my books away from the usage of anyone, even my relatives, and my friends. Yeah, I know, how terribly selfish am I?
I won’t make any excuse here to justify my action whenever there is someone asking me to lend him a book or two (again, I can’t imagine any more than that). I just don’t want to make people think that I originally have a bad nature. Everything has their own reason to exist, and every choice has its own consequences.
My books, no matter new or old, are just like a part of my soul. Without them, I can’t imagine how I should live on. Thinking about suddenly losing a favorite book is already too much for me to handle. Or maybe, I am just creating that reaction for myself. Whatever it is, books are so essential that I always want to keep an eye on all of them, on every single one of them, though I can never see every single one at a time, ironically. Sometimes I still allow others to read, but I have to watch him carefully from time to time only to make sure that my book is not having any ‘unwanted’ issue. Oh my, I know, that’s too stubborn and selfish of me, but it can’t be helped at all. And I don’t even have any decision to change this characteristic at all!
In this allowed space, I just want to talk about my obsession with books. The story will be totally different if the book is not bought directly by me. But, deep in my heart, I do love having a conversation about books every time possible. I can listen to all of your stories during the time you enjoy a book and then convey my thoughts to you. It would be awesome. I may be obsessed too much, but I understand fully the true price to buy a book for yourself to savor. You know, this is my belief: ‘Everything comes with a price, and you will receive much more if you pay that price without any hesitation or a second thought.’
I pay a price every time I decide to own a book, then turn it into a part of my quiet soul. But when there is one more to come in, the place in my soul becomes a little more cheerful and pleasant. Gradually, I will open my heart more and more, then reach out to other people to share them my love of books. I want to connect to others through books, and I wish to write one day in the near future. Many things can be able to change if you love reading and your love is increasing day by day, but to me, one thing remains intact, and you already know what it is (maybe find it boring now): my capricious ideal.
It’s not that I have never let anyone touch my books for all these 15 years of being a student. And only until I have grown up enough that I start to obsess a mind like this. However, I still let people borrow my books when the time comes, because the thing is, that could make them feel better, or find something useful for them to study or work. Last but not least, whenever I have the chance, I will ask them to go out and buy the book themselves! You will love it more and find it more precious if you pay the price!
I guess, an obsessed mind is not so bad?