Carry the confusing love

“Stop it, please don’t say that anymore, especially about it!” – he felt confused.

It was already nighttime, and he was walking on the street alone. The same street as last time. He took vigorous strides to home when thinking about many things that had happened. It had been one week since that strange dream, and not only did he not see it anymore, but crazy things kept showing up one after another.

He would call them ‘crazy’, but he knew that everyone else just saw him ‘stupid’.

That morning when he woke up and decided to start “an active morning”, right before going out after finishing the breakfast, it started to rain, rain heavily. And it was even heavier when he came inside to take the umbrella. But he still had to go out, to the university to search for the thing he wanted.

He took the bus instead of the motorbike, and went straight ahead to the bookstore connected to the institute. Right in there he found some useful sources needed for the next year, and also for his motivation in researching and writing. When finishing the payment and preparing to pack up and leave, someone came in the store. He looked up, and met the face of his old teacher, who used to teach him Geometry in high school. That was the one whom he admired most, and share the same idea in passion, but for some reason, he could not have the chance to get along well with him before he moved to university. The teacher looked still young as the last time they talked, and now … he was even taller? Well, it’s hard to remember exactly, so strange.

He didn’t expect this, and said immediately “Hello teacher” after that sudden moment. But all he received was just a short “Um yeah” and then the teacher went past him to go straight inside. Maybe he was too focused on his work, or … We did look at each other, didn’t we? So at least… No, it can’t be, right? He knew he couldn’t ask for more, so he left the store. And he never forgot to leave the proper saying “Goodbye” to the person.

When he came out to walk over to the bus stop, it was sunny all around. The sun was shining above his head, as if waking him up from a dark dream. Maybe not so dark, I guess? He continued to go buy some more stuff before going home. And after walking into the house, the rain began to fall down hard again.

One of the dearest thing to him was the laptop, which he bought at the beginning of the school year he was enrolled in the university. It was luckily smooth, and multifunctional. But that day, it encountered a problem. The main boot seemed to have some errors, and when trying to restart everything, the system disc couldn’t work well, and the storage decreased incredibly. From what he had learnt, he knew this could be troublesome, so he decided to take it out for repair. But then it was different, the rain stopped when he came out again.

If only all the problem could be solved that day, it would be so great. 

He now was thinking like that, striding toward to the darkness. Every single thing since that day kept repeating until now. The laptop had to be reset Windows, then looked into many complicated things inside, but couldn’t be done for the first time. And then the Wifi had a trouble of going in and going out itself without any control, so in the end, he still had to give up working on it. He kept asking for help from friends, then brought again to the repair store, and then brought it back home to use, but nothing significant changed. For the time without the laptop, he used books and his mobile phone to do every work he could, and went out from time to time. Friends kept showing up, calling for meetings, and even there were ones who had just come back from other countries, and the even stranger thing was that they all had some problems in their daily lives. However, truth be told, he could listen to them all, then give the advice as if he had experienced everything, but at last helped all of them solve the problems well-done. All, except for him.

He was carrying something very strange inside, he felt that clearly. He had never been like that before, never been that ‘active’. From the morning after an unexpected dream, he always had something burnt inside his heart. Somehow the heat could even make all the rain evaporate. Indeed, whenever he came outside from that day, the energy seemed to be higher up somehow, and the rain always stopped at that time. Maybe it could sound really stupid to others since they would definitely think that he was just all lazy and only went out after waiting for the rain to stop. Yeah, the one who can stop the rain is only the God. Or some kind of God, right? 

Tomorrow the laptop will be expected to be fixed completely, since it may one of the strangest problems up until now. At least to him. With that, he could continue to work on the project he had loved to do for so long. There was Math that he had built up the strong passion, and there was something else that had come to him naturally, as if he was born to do it.

Yeah, this love is so confusing. Carrying it was heavy, but somehow it feels a bit more pleasant and exciting since that morning. So I need to believe that I can make it. In time.

All this week he had been strangely active both outside and inside, so the tiredness came very easily. He went to bed early, and “that dream”, again, appeared naturally, as though nothing had happened at all.



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