Today is the last day of the 2nd semester, with the last final exam for this 3rd year. Summer begins with a hard feeling of failure.
In the end, I could not do well in the subject I cared about the most, not to mention the other tests just a few days before. I thought I have changed to become a better person, both in life and at work, but in fact, not yet. There is still too much room for improvement, and yet am I ready enough for that?
Studying Mathematics, up till now, is like a miracle for me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but the fact that it exists as one of my crucial parts never changes in my life. Taking Math Tests is the same as fighting wars that I need to survive, to go further to know whether or not I can stand strong in this harsh reality, in which doing Math requires a lot of stress and hardship to overcome.
I always desire to prove myself, that I can achieve my best goals while learning Mathematics. However, somehow the goals always come along with test scores. Most of the time, I believed only in doing my best so that everything will be fine. And when most of the time, everything did turn out really fine, I became too attached to the thought that “only doing your best can guarantee your goals”. Sometimes I think, the best thing I can do is to believe, then … Now I failed.
Let’s see how I will fail this semester. The results will come out in the midst of Summer. Something that has never happened before is about to happen soon.
So that I can look again into reality, and look again into my true self. I have to make up a resolution, to learn from this failure. It will be painful, but at least I can understand that if reality didn’t hit you this hard in the face, then you would never realize anything for yourself. To become a better person, you need to overcome your ego and your belief.
That’s it. This post makes my coming back here, after such a long time. Only this post has this (a bit) dark atmosphere, I suppose. Since Summer has finally come, the word(press) comes out with it, too.
Cheers, and see you next time.