Last week consisted of many troubled days to me. The final week of September ended with a feeling of a bit lost in energy, while all of the interests remained the same as usual.
What I mean here is, although I met consecutive troubles in my major last week, I still found the learning drive so stubborn to give in. For what I’ve started for myself up until this moment, it seems like the more troubles I get, the more interests I become engaged in. Sometimes, it’s not about failing to complete any single work, but instead about failing to be depressed for any longer. There was just simply not enough time for that anymore, and getting lost on a track from time to time was necessarily expected.
Harmonic Analysis immediately became one of the most promising subjects in this semester, due to its influence in many other aspects, especially connected to Algebra more than any other Calculus. Meanwhile, Random Process has shown itself since the beginning as one of the toughest subjects: I had to miss the first two weeks because of another interest, and right after coming back to class, I felt lost for nearly three hours in an afternoon, before I finally got a grasp of what was going on and gained back some motivation in Advanced Probability Theory. Truth be told, I have never been assiduous enough to spend a large amount of time tackling problems related to random variables, and yet I often find myself engaged in any flow of randomness to figure out the true logic behind them, despite how hard they might be. Most of the time, I got troubled and failed due to my unthorough care, but the thrill was still there and reaching the correct results was only a matter of time. Strangely, the most important matter here is not about the knowledge in stochastic analyzing, but instead, the random inspiration.
There was also the trouble of feeling bored in the class of Groups and Representations. You know, I had the most expectation in this subject, and yet somehow I don’t even know why I did not feel so much thrill during those three hours in the late morning. Deep down inside, I still kept a keen eye on any detail of group structures. Maybe this time, I actually had a trouble in love, while showing too much affection to something might lead to a frustration later. That boring state was not supposed to happen, especially in Algebra to me, or so I believed. Hence, it had never been harder for me to end the week on a Friday like that. Well, if only it could have just ended simply with nothing else afterward.
The weekend began on the last day of September, and it was a Saturday. For what it’s worth, I was supposed to be filled with motivation in doing Math, since it not only ended a week but also marked the farewell of a mellowy month. And yet, once again, a trouble of great interest occurred. It was at the core of every impulse inside my body and mind, Algebraic Geometry. The dilemma from the trip to Hue still remained somewhere, while the love and the truth struggled with each other, leading to an unstable energy in my heart. I encountered a headache, though temporary, but enough to make me feel tired and cancel the main work on Sunday. Naturally, at that moment, I totally planned on a lazy Sunday afterward. So, the beginning day of October had to become a compensation for the ending day of September.
Of course, corresponding to the biggest trouble is naturally the greatest interest. Last week also ended with another goodbye, which helped to put the last stone on the construction of the bridge. The bridge to begin again every crucial thing this week.
Depression only leads to a more powerful belief afterward. Now, it’s even harder to put off an issue. I find nothing more correct than the phrase crave for troubles. Basically, troubles appear in our lives to make us grow up stronger, so we should expect them to visit even when impossible.
Let them come, and love them hard.