There is no other reason for me to feel alive right here than the pure existence of all cherished memories from the past.
Every winter coming and leaving, with my age going up one more each time, I could feel clearly the effect of every piece of memory flowing inside me throughout so many days, months, and years. They just keep adding up, waiting for a special day to be released. And I just keep moving forward after every winter, also saving the luxury of sharing memories for a special day, with someone special enough.
I am not really a fashionable one, and close things from the past are often precious to me. The mobile phone, the classical guitar, the radio, or all the valued books, I could not rationally toss them aside for the new ones to replace. If there is anything new, then it’s just a story of welcoming new friends into the house. One day I know for sure that I have to remove many things, but for now, I would love to keep my comfort zone a bit tightly while I can. After passing continuously many struggles in life, work, or love, at the end of the day I just wish to feel the treasure of being homeward with memories since old today.
Speaking of pure memories, there are stories after stories which are not easy to be all unfolded here. At least for this instant moment, I’m afraid that I don’t have enough strength left to conquer the great wall of thoughts built after years and years. This blog was also built upon what is gone and what is left, so gradually, I hope I can share all the best words from time to time, since it does take time after all. Today, I want to take this opportunity to talk about the time before my real fate in Math and Love was finally settled – that was the golden time of my used-to-be-best company ever.
The four of us, during that last winter of secondary school, was somewhat formidable on a taxi. Yeah, I have to say, I have never written out this story before, so it’s kind of odd here, haha. Oh well, serious for now. How come we could not be formidable while the taxi was packed by our four boyish bodies? The thing is, we were on the same team in the Math club, traveling from our local living area to study “abroad”, further into the capital, in order to beat the entrance test into HUS High School for Gifted Students. And of course, we four were all best friends at that time. Friends who fought, sought, and bought time messing together, yep.
Learning and doing Math had never been more fun since when we came to take the extra class there twice a week in the late afternoon or evening. The teacher, known as the Headmaster of HUS HSGS, made us enjoy quite happily, sometimes even laugh cheerfully, whenever any problem was solved, and in an amazing way, which was realized as beautifully tricky by myself in later years. He taught us Algebra, in which there include many kinds of Elementary Number Theory and Combinatorics as well. There was one more teacher, very young and enthusiastic in creating hard but beautiful problems, taught us Geometry – which later became the first decisive factor in my major up till now. I would love to tell a story about him someday, from that time until the day I had to face the most glorious failure in HUS High School, before graduation. I did owe him a lot; there were so many things that I wish I could have told him, and shared with him about myself as a student who loved and failed ironically in the field where he thought he was best, and also where his most beloved teacher always expected a lot.
Come back to the story of our group of four boys: we did love and support each other very much during that time. Things were hard, and the winter was harsher than now, yet we all managed to laugh and forgot whatever difficulty might come ahead. We did not bother thinking much about whether we could be in the same school, or even the same class, in High School or not. We never knew what could happen, as if it was for the best. Those happy days when we just had to enjoy our very last time doing Math together, talking about many kinds of stuff, including love and losses, interest and influences, or maybe even day and dreams. Now, nothing like that was left here, as I am sitting alone in my room to write all of them down.
Those memories naturally were crafted into my heart, since the day our ways separated each other: only I was the one who went to HUS HSGS in the end. Each one of them still continued to learn Math or Informatics in other gifted schools, but I knew that already marked the forever ending of something precious. Whether we could make another one to replace or not, depended totally on the real fate we chose for ourselves later. We just moved on to go straight ahead, like how we always did.
Winter is coming, as Autumn has started to fall deeply. Just a few days ago, when walking on a familiar street, looking up to see the sky and the trees around, I naturally remembered those days. Somehow, they were finding a way to come back lightened, in the place where we used to stand together. Now each one of us has chosen our own journeys somewhere, while I’m still staying at the old place. I may as well go far away later, but not today. Right now, at this moment, I want to cherish all of those, again.
You guys are always with me.
Those Winter days on the taxi together, until late night, deepened the fate of memories.