I know it myself, without any reminder. I know about our gap, which is huge, and the stage I have already chosen to step onto. But not with him yet.
Sensei is very kind and generous, sometimes too easy on me. However, I can sense a harsh truth awaiting if I still keep my own pace like this. It may sound wonderful to be able to express your unique self in any work you do, but in fact, if you hold on to it too much, then everything is just done for your comfort zone, not really what could push you forward in the long term. Furthermore, if I truly want to walk with him in the future, not only as his student but even as his proxy someday, I have to prepare myself as a part of something different.
These days have been a long excuse for me, and I’m growing weary of them. The reason why I have been wandering in my ambiguous world is that the I in this real world is not good enough to be able to follow the steps of his own imaginary partner, and so losing sight of him later. Now a great storm is coming this way, blocking the only path forward, leaving the only choice to face it head-on. In order to surpass my real self, I must sacrifice something very dear to me, even if that means one of my beliefs.
The moment when this storm is over, I am very likely to meet a drastic change that could let me know more about the person living inside me and the mission I am really taking. For the sake of the final acknowledgment, I will definitely move on.
Although there may be only a glimmer of hope, I will persevere.