A life meaning

For my lady

The rain and darkness, they were all around me, asking what I could do for the survival. To me, I know nothing, maybe nothing …

… but one thing for sure.

I’m striving to live for my lady. That’s the story of my life from now on.

‘Wintersong’

Is this really my first time?

For a moment, he could not believe it. Just a few moments before, he was still in Paris, still on the plane, flying. Then he had landed, and stood among other people to wait for his luggage to come.

He had been back. Finally, in Hanoi.

It was for the Winter vacation, during Christmas and New Year. He had found a good reason to come back, after 4 months staying in Paris. He had never been far from home like that before, and also never returned from anywhere else to visit his place before. He had always lived with his parents and his little sister, without any experience in a true separation.

Physically speaking, though.

He had been studying, working, thinking, and doing things alone most of the time. For long he had known that he was different, or exceptional. He had always been independent in his own thoughts, fighting for his own right to make decisions for his life. Sometimes, it looked as if he hadn’t been able to take normal lessons from his family, his generation, or his physical world. Just one day came, he suddenly realized something so vital, and then everything just changed immediately from that point.

Emotionally speaking, he had felt being separated for a long time before.

And this Winter, he came home not just because of a physical reunion with his family, but also, and more importantly, his very first time seeing his beloved lady – face to face.

Deep down his heart, going far away from his house for 4 months was not a trouble at all. He had managed well to live on his own, while staying calm in most encountered situations. Never before had he got that freedom to try new things and learn to adapt in his unique way, which could be rejected if he were still living with his parents. They are always the best beloved ones to him; he needed their support, not their strong influence on what he decided to do. He could only live on by trying and learning from mistakes, over and over again, and he wished for them to believe in him, even for just once in their life, that he could do well naturally.

Yet, they just learned to see him as a kid, as a young boy, innocent and careless. They didn’t know that the boy had been gone for a long while, and something else, more remarkable, was born.

His lady, his beloved lady, saw him as a man. For the first time ever, he felt understood by someone, truly existing in this world. At what price had he paid for that to happen? He never knew, but he didn’t care after all. He was willing to risk anything, just to reach her, and to prove to her that she had put her belief in the right place.

From the inside, he knew that, he returned only to see her again.

And so, their ‘Wintersong’ had begun.

Home

He did come back home. He knew that. But he was not feeling home.

Something had definitely changed. Of course that was clear to the people around him. He loved his family, his house, and especially his private room on the second floor.

He had left it alone for 4 months. Everybody seemed to think that he should be content with being able to come back to his place and stay still in it, as he always did before. Yet, when the time comes, things need to change for a better version. From the moment his lady stepped inside his room due to his invitation, everything seemed to move and transform into a world where she would fit herself into. His own place seemed to have its own soul at that time, adapting naturally and welcoming her in. From that moment, he knew that a part of this place had become hers, too.

He had always been the way he was, but no one in the family had ever known him enough to realize that. He just simply didn’t have enough time to explain everything. He had been fighting an endless battle for more than 20 years, whether acknowledging it or not, trying to prove himself truly to the world around him.

He had always wished to be recognized. To be accepted. To be approved.

He had made a choice. He had decided to take things on by his own this time. And maybe forever.

He wouldn’t wait for anyone to tell him what to do or what to expect, because for long he no longer needed that anymore. There was finally a person who could listen to him, accept him as who he is, and above all …

… she loves him. And he loves her more than everything else.

He had loved. Maybe for the first time ever in his life that he knew what a true love meant. But it didn’t matter at all, did it?

Each one of us is the only person to decide which way to go for our own happiness, as long as we accept who we really are. He wished to prove this, not by theory anymore, but by his own action and willing to sacrifice.

To him, he could only feel home at the place where they could live together. His lady and him, they had finally met each other after such a long time … being separated from each other.

That was what is called “true separation” to him. And he knew that he would do anything to see her. Again, and again.

And finally, forever. Together.

She is his home.

[to be continued]

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